Just As Long as You Stand By Me
by HellishHope
Summary: Having survived an attempted suicide on the bifrost, Loki is left despondent and unresponsive. Thor does his utmost to help his brother, but having no idea what is wrong with him makes it difficult. To find someone who can help, they travel to Midgard.
1. Chapter 1

_**Author's Introduction**_**: This story contains mention of self-harm, depression and other material which may be considered distressing. (Such as rape, slash and other sexual themes in later chapters.) For the record, there will **_**NOT**_** be Thor/Loki anywhere in this story. If that's your cup of tea, they are platonic brothers here, feel free to move along with no hurt feelings. (Or stay and read things into the story. I don't judge.) If you are here for angst, hurt/comfort and a crazily over-protective older brother- welcome! Have a seat and enjoy the show! (As always, I own **_**NOTHING!**_**)**

Thor's eyes were wild as he held onto his brother. Desperate, crazed – the eyes of a man on the brink. But Loki's did not return his gaze. He seemed to be staring into nothingness. At that moment, his usually sparkling eyes were empty, even dead. And then he did the unthinkable – he let go, his expression remaining perfectly impassive even as he did so. Thor screamed with all his might as he lunged forward almost casting himself off the bifrost as he desperately grabbed ahold of his brother.

(Scene change)

Thor was enraged. He could not believe how incredibly _stupid_ the serving girl who cowered before him was. "What. Is. WRONG. With. You?" he shouted mere inches from her face before smashing his fist into the wall above her head. The girl screamed and ran. Thor turned his head quickly and would have followed her, if his mother had not turned the corner to face her son at that moment.

"Thor" Frigga began. The single word was a scolding. "Why are you terrorizing that poor child?"

Thor could not meet his mother's gaze. He did not wish to have this discussion, for his mother worried enough, without him adding to her fears. "She was incredibly careless, mother."

"An interesting accusation coming from you, Thor" was the suspicious reply. "And what, do tell, was the evidence of this carelessness?"

"That is unimportant." Thor replied as dismissively as he could. "I have taken care of the situation. She will not repeat the same mistake." Thor silently added in his head, '_Not that she will be given the opportunity_.'

"Yes, you took care of the situation. Scared the child witless and put your fist through a palace wall. Now, you are my son and as your mother, I demand to know what the poor girl did to be accused of carelessness by _you_."

"She…gave Loki a knife with his meal." Thor replied in a shaking voice.

Frigga's eyes widened and her eyebrows shot up.

"Do not worry, mother. He is fine now. I personally bandaged his wounds." Thor attempted to reassure her.

"Did….did he say anything?" she asked in a whisper.

"N-no." Thor replied. Technically, it was the truth.

Frigga nodded. "Thor, I think it would be best if you and your brother traveled to Midgard for a time. Too many here know of his troubles and fear him for them. He cannot heal here."

Thor wondered for a moment if worry about her son had temporarily shaken his mother's wits. "But mother, the bi-frost has been destroyed. We cannot leave Asgard."

"Loki knows of ways that others do not." Frigga replied calmly. "Thor, you are to meet me at Loki's quarters at dawn with whatever you believe you will need to take. Frigga nodded sternly and turned quickly. As she left, Thor saw her raise a hand to her face, as if to wipe away tears.

(Scene change)

Thor had gathered a few items he believed would not be too conspicuous on Midgard and then headed to Loki's room where he had been sleeping every night since…_the incident._

When he entered the room, he spotted Loki on the bed, as expected. Loki did not move unless Thor guided him…. _"Or unless some __**stupid**__ servant girl left him a knife of all things._" Thor thought, glaring at the wall for a moment.

"Hello, Loki. I'm going to take a look at your injuries. Is that acceptable?" Thor asked as he sat on the bed next to his brother. As usual, Loki did not respond. Thor sighed and took that as cooperation and proceeded to unwrap the bandages. The blood had dried, luckily without soaking through the bandages first. Thor wiped them with a wet cloth gently and whispered quietly as he did. "These are all lies, Loki. Every word – lies. No one should have given you such false hoods. I swear to you, brother. You are clever and brave and wise and you…you are my brother. Do not believe these lies. Do not."

Loki's face showed no indication that he even knew who Thor was.

(Scene change)

As the sun was just spreading its light across the sky, Thor was awoken by a knocking at the door. He opened his eyes groggily and looked to his right to see if Loki had awoken. His green eyes were open, but showed no sign of activity beyond. Thor climbed out of the bed and made his way to the door to let his mother in.

"Good morning, Thor" the queen said with a weak smile and a nod before strolling over to the bed and sitting next to her younger son.

"Good morning, Loki. Did you sleep well, my son?" She asked as she stroked his dark hair gently. She had enjoyed comforting her son in this small way when he was young, but he never allowed it, except for after nightmares and certainly never in front of his brother.

Loki merely starred into the distance.

"Loki, dear child…." the care-worn mother tried to begin, but trailed off with a sigh. She breathed heavily for a moment before looking back up to her son with determination set in her eyes. "Loki, I need you to do something for me. Thor is in desperate trouble. It is of immediate importance that you take him to Midgard, _but_ you cannot use the bi-frost. You must take the secret ways. Can you do that for your brother… to protect Thor…?"

Thor looked up quickly upon hearing this and gave his mother a questioning, perhaps even disapproving stare.

Without even sitting up in the bed or taking his eyes off the wall, Loki uttered his first words in months. "For Thor."

Frigga smiled sadly and tears pooled in her eyes. Leaning down, she kissed the top of her youngest's head before standing and motioning for Thor to join her outside the bedroom door.

"Mother…" Thor attempted, but was cut off by a gentle wave of the queen's hand.

"I know you disapprove of my methods, but I did not lie. Would you say that your brother is in trouble?"

Thor nodded as understanding sunk in. "And my brother's trouble is my own."

Frigga nodded. "Precisely. Take good care of your brother, Thor. Protect him. It will be difficult for both of you, but together you can overcome this."

Thor's voice was desperate as he asked, "Do you even know what _this_ is? How do I protect him from enemies I do not know? From dangers I cannot see? How do I shield him from monsters that live only in his mind and rob him of his words and demons that steal his peace? How does one fight _nightmares_? If this were an enemy I could face in battle, I would gladly fight with all my might for my brother! But no, I am asked to face that which can only be defeated with wisdom and a magic I do not know! This is a battle that Loki was made to fight and here I stand in his stead and I fear that I will fail him and that is not an option!"

"You are right. That is not an option. So, do not fear it." Frigga replied with a face that Thor had seen countless time before on Lady Sif before battle. "Now, off with you. I cannot bear to say goodbye."

(Scene change)

Thor was a warrior, a son of Odin, a god of old and he was incredibly motion-sick. "Loki, that was…" He paused a moment to catch his breath before continuing. "That was incredible." Turning to survey his surroundings, he quickly recognized the barren landscape of New Mexico. Sand and rocks with scattered cacti dotted the horizon, but luckily there was a dusty road which Thor knew must lead to some civilization.

"Come, brother. We shall find Jane and her companions" Thor announced and grabbed ahold of Loki's hand gently to lead him down the road. It was a familiar gesture for him and it brought back a wave of nostalgia causing him to remember their childhood when they were inseparable – Thor always the protector and Loki the admiring younger brother. Sadly, Thor wondered when the slow change from brothers to enemies had begun and why he hadn't cared enough to notice then.

Loki allowed himself to be led, all the while keeping his eyes glued to the ground as Thor rambled on and on about this and that desperately trying to fill the silence.

By the time they reached town, it was dark and Thor had almost talked himself hoarse. It had taken hours and he hadn't paused once – always jumping from subject to subject hoping that someone would catch his brother's interest and motivate him to say _something_ – _**anything**_. Thor sighed and shook his head to clear his thoughts for a moment. He knew he needed to get ahold of Jane or her companions Darcy and Erik so they could direct him to the place where Jane resided. He led Loki around the town looking for something familiar, until he finally stumbled upon a box where a man stood talking. Thor stood beside the man and waited until he finished speaking and then he urgently grabbed the man's arm.

"Excuse me, good sir. But can I use this….machine to contact Jane Foster?" Thor questioned.

"You can use it to call whoever you want- I'm done with it" the older man replied with a shrug as he gave Thor a very questioning look.

"Thank you, good sir!" Thor practically shouted before grabbing Loki and dragging him into the phone box with him. Thor had seen Jane use a similar device before, but he could not recall exactly how it had known who she wanted to contact. Holding the strange machine by the cord, he raised it to his face and loudly so that the he would not be misunderstood he inquired, "Can I speak with Jane Foster? Hello. I need to speak with Jane Foster. Do you know where she is?" The only response was an odd sound which seemed to be emitting from the machine. He placed the device in its resting place again for a moment and thought. Picking it back up and holding it near his face again he shouted even more loudly, "Do you know the maiden Darcy Lewis? May I speak to her? Do you know her companion Erik?"

Growing frustrated, he angrily hung the device in its resting place before thinking for a minute. He then reached down to the base of the machine and tore it up from the floor, leaving it resting against the wall. Walking out of the box, he spied a wide-eyed young maiden who seemed to be waiting to use the machine. Thor led Loki past her and on his way nodded in her direction and advised, "That device is not functional. Perhaps you should find another."

It was dark and Thor knew that he needed to find some shelter quickly. Looking down the street, he spied a vehicle which looked like the one that Darcy had controlled. Leading Loki to the "car" he began to bang on the side and look into the windows hoping to see Darcy hiding in one of the corners. "Darcy? Are you in there?"

"Duuuuuuuuuuude…. What are you doing to my car?" a strangely slow voice asked from behind him. Turning around, Thor saw a young-ish Midgardian with unhealthily red eyes squinting at him.

"This is not your vehicle. This is the car of Darcy Lewis. Do you know where she can be found?" Thor asked strolling closer to the Midgardian.

"I coulda swooooooore that was my car…."came the mumbled replied.

Standing almost two feet over the other man's head, Thor assured him. "_That_ is the vehicle of Darcy Lewis. Do you or do you not know where to find her? Do you know her companion Jane Foster?"

The Midgardian's eyes widened, which Thor was surprised was possible and he answered in a very high-pitched voice as he reached into his pocket. "N-no…. Sorry. But you should have these keys and tell Darcy I'm really really sorry that I took her car."

Thor took the keys and nodded. "Thank you. By the way, do you know the way to a place to partake in companionship and drink? I believe that Erik called it a 'tavern.'

"Yeah, man… You turn right down this road and then you take a left and then there's this huge bar."

(Scene change)

Erik knew that Jane didn't always approve of his drinking habits. Something about his age and his heart condition and some nonsense about "doctor's orders" made her complain every time he wanted to go get a drink and spend some time at the local watering hole. But sometimes a man needed to unwind and this was one of those nights.

Walking up to the front of the bar, he heard a ruckus inside. Shouts and sounds of smashing wood could be heard from inside. Erik suddenly decided that maybe Jane was right when he was stopped in his tracks by a large man flying through the front doors of the bar and a tall blonde man following out the door behind shouting, "And stay out!" Erik blinked and was walking up to the steps to greet Thor when the warrior was joined by a dark-haired man who wore some strange green armor indicating that he must be one of the Asgardians.

Erik sighed. He was definitely going to need a drink.

_Author's Note: So, I hope you enjoyed this and that nobody's bored yet. I welcome reviews, comments, favorites, likes and hearts if you want to send some to this story, I will be very proud. I welcome criticism and judgments, unless they are hateful or don't tell me what's wrong. (I.E. I hate this story!) Because if you don't tell me what's wrong, I can't fix it and that makes me sad. Anyway, reviews are love! Thank you!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Introduction: This story contains mention of self-harm (self-injury and attempted suicide), depression, PTSD and other material which may be considered distressing. (Such as rape, slash and other sexual themes.) This chapter contains strong language. (I drop the f-bomb, folks.) I don't own characters or material or just about anything. If any of this sounds like it may distress or trigger you, please do not read or proceed with caution.**

Erik thanked the powers-that-be when the car ride to Jane's trailer finally ended. He was positive that there was nothing in the world more awkward than being stuck in a car with two sullen Asgardians. Normally, you could try and break the silence, but, well when the grumpy parties could break _you_, it made you more inclined to give in to the solemn mood.

The car barely stopped, Thor had leapt from the passenger seat and was banging on the door before Erik had even taken his seat belt off. "Jane! Jane Foster! It is Thor! I have urgent matters which I must discuss with you! Jane! Would it be acceptable if I removed the door? I must speak with you _now_!"

Presumably not too keen on having her door removed, Jane hurried and flung the door open. "Thor!" she shouted as she jumped into his arms with a broad smile.

Her smile was matched with Thor's own as he held her tight, but gently and kissed the top of her hair. "Jane! I am so glad to see you!" He paused for a moment, just to stare at the brown-haired maiden in his arms.

"But how could you possibly have gotten here without the Einstein-Rosen bridge?" she asked in surprise as she let herself down from the warrior's arms.

Thor's eyes shot wide immediately, he rushed back to the car and threw open the back seat. Watching the scene Erik wondered with slight irritation how he could be so rough with the poor worn door, but so gentle with his fellow warrior who was already protected by bright green armor.

"Let us go inside for now." Thor suggested belatedly, as he was already leading the other man inside by the hand.

Looking back and forth between the two armored figures, Jane and Erik both looked puzzled, but with a shrug followed them inside the small trailer.

~~~~~~~~~~(scene change)~~~~~~~~~~

After Thor had lead the silent man to lie down on Jane's bed in the back of the residence and had searched through the small room for a few minutes, he finally closed the door and joined Jane and Erik at the small table where they were less-than patiently waiting.

"Thor, don't you think it's high time you tell me _who_ exactly is lying on my bed? And why you just searched through all of my drawers? And _how_ you could get here when the Einstein-Rosen bridge has been gone for a month?" Jane questioned as she leaned across the table to try to stare into the blue-eyes which were staring intently at the table.

"He is my little brother – Loki. He is a talented magician and can travel without the bifrost." Thor replied as he cleared his throat, unsure how to explain his situation.

"Your brother? Loki? The one who tried to _kill_ you? And _everyone_ around you? _That_ brother? And you put him in _Jane's_ bed?" Erik shouted- fairly jumping to his feet.

"Thor? What is this about? Is this the brother who you had to return to Asgard to fight? Why would you bring him to earth? To my trailer?" Jane asked in astonishment as she glanced quickly between the two men.

Thor finally looked up from the table which he had been examining closely. "Yes, that brother. My _only_ brother. I had to bring him here to Midgard. He is unwell and there is no one on Asgard who knows how to help him…or if there is my father does not wish for it to become a public _scandal_. He forbade me to ask for assistance from the palace healers." Thor paused for a moment as heat gathered in his blue eyes before he continued in a venom-filled voice, "My _father_ told me that, 'Palace healers are not trained in such matters because _warriors_ do not act in such a way.' As if insulting my brother's honor was going to help anything."

Jane motioned for Erik to sit back down and turned to Thor, "What do you mean he's unwell? Is he sick or injured or…..?" she asked quietly before trailing off, unsure of how to ask in a way Thor would understand.

Thor was unable to make eye contact with either Jane or Erik, but he managed to speak in an unsteady voice, "I do not know how Midgardian view such matters, but on Asgard certain acts are considered…cowardly…dishonorable. My brother is neither. But… He is not himself. He is tormented. He needs help…." Here Thor paused and Jane reached for his hand and squeezed it encouragingly. Closing his eyes, Thor continued, "Loki…. Tried to…kill himself…. I rescued him, but ever since that night he has been… strange. Silent… Sometimes, I do not think he recognizes me. The only time he has acted of his own accord… was to injure himself."

"So, he's….depressed?" Jane asked as she gently drew circles on Thor's hand with her fingers.

Thor drew his hand back and asked in a guarded voice, "Is that a _dishonorable_ term among your people?"

"No! No, of course not, Thor. There's no dishonor in it. It just means that they're sick and need someone to help them. There's no more shame in it than any other medical problem." Jane quickly reassured the warrior who looked as if he might throw the table if she had answered in the affirmative.

Thor looked to Erik for confirmation.

"Thor… My father was a soldier…. An earth version of your Asgardian warriors and he suffered from such a problem - an illness in the mind. My father was brave and good and if any man dared tell me otherwise, well…. " he trailed off, but the threat was clearly implied.

Thor nodded and sighed. "It is as you say- an illness of the mind. But my father did not understand that. He remembers the old traditions which say that it is only honorable for a warrior to fall in battle and refuses to see the truth in front of him. My mother insisted we come here to seek for someone who could help my brother and so I was hopeful that we could stay with you, Jane."

Jane smiled weakly. "Of course, Thor. You can stay here- both of you."

~~~~~~~~~~(scene change)~~~~~~~~~~

Thor couldn't sleep. Partly because he was worried about his brother trying to sleep in a strange place and partly because he was plagued with guilt due to the fact he had not bade farewell to the Warriors Three, nor to Sif. He had considered it, but quite frankly he had no desire to see them until they could apologize for their words. He concentrated on the memory of those words until the guilt and longing to see his companions was replaced by a burning anger.

"_Thor, you can't let that imp put this over on you!_" Volstagg had shouted.

"_It's another of his tricks_." Hogun had stated matter-of-factly.

"_I know it's your brother, but he's incapable of honesty. You can't trust a word he says._" Fandral had stated sadly as he placed a hand on Thor's shoulder in a misguided attempt at comforting the larger man.

Sif had been the worst. Her eyes had been full of pity as she had whispered to Thor once the Warriors Three had given up their attempts at persuading the prince. "_Thor, do not throw away your relationship with your father for Loki. He has betrayed both of you for his own selfish gain and he will use your selflessness to get away with it, if you let him_."

Lying on the bed, Thor stared at the ceiling – fuming. "_He is my __**brother. **__Perhaps, it is a title of which others can forget the worth, but I cannot. He __**needs**__ me. I must protect him. I cannot let him down now."_

When others looked at Loki, they saw a powerful magician – a schemer, a manipulator, a mastermind.

Thor still saw a scrawny little boy – who was already his own worst critic.

~~~~~~~~~~(scene change)~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, Darcy came over and was introduced to Loki whom she seemed to immediately take a liking to. Jane's whispered attempts to assure her that Loki was, "not a lost puppy" and to "stop calling him that ridiculous pet name" were met with absolutely no change in her behavior.

She assured Thor and Jane that she would "absolutely love to introduce Loki-kiki to tv" and so they had been free to step outside the trailer to browse through the books which Erik had brought from the local library on mental health.

Sitting on one of the green lawn chairs which the older man had brought from a friend's house, they began searching through the books. Thor had picked up one titled _Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders_ and had spent a good ten minutes searching through the material before throwing it down and picking up another book. He repeated this pattern another three times before throwing the last book at Erik's car.

"None of these books have directions for healing!" he shouted.

"Directions for healing?" Jane asked, slightly confused.

"Yes! Such as those for treating a burn. First, place the burn in cool water. Next, take a bandage…."

Jane raised a hand to interrupt, but was distracted by Darcy running out of the trailer.

"Thor! Jane! Anybody! We _need_ help! Kiki started _freaking_ the fuck out!" she shouted and waved her hand for everyone to follow her inside.

Thor was inside the trailer in a flash and found Loki in a corner; knees huddled to his chest, rocking back and forth. He leaned down to pick his brother off the floor which resulted in Loki starting to claw at his brother's face and neck. "Loki! Brother! It is alright. I will not harm you. Brother, calm yourself!" It took a few moments, but his words finally seemed to get to Loki who went limp in his arms before starting to cry on his brother's shoulder. "No more…." he whispered.

Perhaps it was a horrible reaction, but this was a glimmer of hope in Thor's mind – the first words his brother had uttered completely unprompted since the _incident._ "No more what, brother?" he asked carrying him to the couch.

Loki pointed toward the television which had smoke coming out of the broken screen.

~~~~~~~~~~(scene change)~~~~~~~~~~

With Erik keeping an eye on Loki, whom both Jane and Darcy had assured that the television would not be working anytime soon; Thor joined the women outside to demand to know what the "demon box" had done to his brother.

"Thor, this wasn't Darcy's fault…." Jane began as she stood between the two.

"What did that _machine_ do?" Thor demanded.

"It reminded him of something." Darcy interjected.

"Of _**what**_?" Thor questioned, fairly shouting in frustration.

Jane sighed. "Thor…. We think Loki was raped…"

_Author's Note: So, I hope that everyone is enjoying themselves. I welcome reviews, alert requests, favorites and any other form of feedback which you can think of. I love criticism! How can I know if I'm botching something up, unless you point at it so I can double-check? Anyway, reviews are my favorite and I hope ya'll are liking this ride. (Also, questions are welcome in reviews. I will answer them ASAP.)_


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Introduction: Here's more story! Hope you like it. Warnings: This story contains mention of suicidal thoughts, self-harm, language, rape, eventual slash, angst and other themes which may not be suitable for all audiences. (As always and forever, I own nothing!)**

"Wh- what? That…. That's not possible. No one would _dare_ do such a thing to a son of Odin. Why would you even think such a thing? Loki would have told me if…. No. You're wrong." Thor's voice was shaking and it was obvious that his words sounded hollow, even to himself.

"Thor…. It makes sense… Darcy…. She was watching some talk show where rape survivors were talking about their experiences ….when Loki started freaking out…it really bothered him and when he freaked out…. When she was trying to calm him down, she saw the scars on his arms and legs…._those_ words…" Pausing for a breath, Jane placed a hand on Thor's shoulder. "Thor, we think Loki was raped and… we think he blames himself. Is that possible? Is there anyone who might have done such a thing? A shady ex or _something_?"

It made sense. It made ugly, hateful, cruel sense. Trying to piece the puzzle together made Thor's head ache horribly, but he knew the pieces fit- he could see that much. At least it explained who had given his brother the lies he had etched upon his skin.

"_Cheap….whore…slut…_" The sight of his little brother's skin torn up with those ugly _lies_ and blood running down was burned into Thor's memory.

He shook his head. It couldn't be. It just couldn't. He had to talk to Loki. He needed Loki to tell him they were wrong. That no one had _dared_ do such a thing to his brother. Because if _someone_ had….

He was back into the trailer in a flash.

And there was Loki sitting across from the broken television – waiting for his brother, Thor assumed. Waiting for his brother to _finally_ ask the right questions and wake the fuck up enough to see the signs in front of his face. Waiting for his brother to stop being so thick and pay attention. Well, maybe those weren't his strong suits, but Loki needed someone to stand up and do the right thing for him and Thor could handle that. He had been a hero many times, but never so gladly as he would for Loki.

"Would you _please_ quit staring at me like you're some sort of dumb animal?" questioned a snippy voice.

Thor's eyes shot wide as he took a step closer to the younger man. "Loki? Are you okay?" he questioned, unsure of what to say.

"No. I am not _okay_. You _still_ haven't quit staring at me and now I think you're starting to drool due to the overexertion which is surely taking place in your tiny brain."

The words were unimportant to Thor. He was still in shock over the fact that evidently his brother could speak for himself and form coherent thoughts, so much so that Loki could have told him he looked like a billy goat and the god-of-thunder probably would have just smiled and nodded in agreement. "Loki? You can talk? Can you tell me what happened earlier?"

At this, Loki rolled his eyes and examined his nails for a minute before sighing. "Yes, I can talk. I just hadn't been feeling like it. Earlier? The stupid Midgardian contraption was getting on my nerves and I decided it had to go. Why I agreed to mother's foolish decision for us to travel here- I shall never know. Midgard has always been so… _boring._" His voice was even, calm and with his classic trace of disdain for whomever he addressed, the room, the universe – just about anything in existence, besides himself.

Thor nodded. Loki was lying – he could tell. But it was a white lie- one meant only to protect his own pride. It was easy for Thor to understand why he didn't want to explain in front of a strange man (Erik) why the simple device had upset him so much.

"Loki, I need to talk to you. Maybe we should go…." Thor began, but was cut off.

"Yes." Loki stated simply.

Thor tilted his head. "Yes… what? Yes, you'll come talk to me?"

"Yes, I was raped, sexually assaulted, taken advantage of – or whatever euphemism will help _you_ sleep at night."

Thor couldn't breathe. It made sense, it fit together, and he was expecting this, but.. it hurt. He wasn't a sensitive man and with so many emotions mingling together inside of him, he didn't know what to do. _Raped…someone raped Loki… who would do something so horrible? I'll kill them…when did this happen….why wasn't I there? Why didn't I know?_

That was when the worst feeling of them all settled itself like a thousand pound weight right onto Thor's chest – guilt. Terrible, ugly, self-loathing guilt. It was the weight on his chest, it was the pounding in his ears repeating the words like a mantra – driving him insane, "_I was raped….I was raped….I was raped…"_ it was the numbness in his arms, the shame burning his face, the sick feeling in the pit of his stomach and the tears just behind his blue eyes. Thor tried to open his mouth – to apologize, to beg forgiveness, but his body didn't respond to him.

"I heard your companions talking with you outside, by the way. And they were wrong. I don't blame myself, I blame _you."_ Loki spat the words at his brother as hatred seemed to radiate from him.

And that was the point when Thor's heart stopped. "Wh-what….?" He somehow forced out.

"Oh, mighty Thor, god of thunder and self-proclaimed defender of all – do you know what it's like knowing that if you had simply bothered to open your eyes and _think_ for one minute, it could have been prevented? But I suppose that would have required you to pay some attention to your younger brother." Loki whispered, hissed even.

Closing his eyes, Thor winced at the words. He felt guilty – soul-crushingly guilty, but he hadn't expected his brother to equally blame him. He had expected….what? Mercy? Forgiveness? From Loki? Thor shook his head. The brothers knew each other well, perhaps even better then they knew themselves and the blonde man knew that his brother was not the forgiving sort.

Hopeless. This situation was hopeless. Why had Thor ever thought he could help his brother? That Loki would _let_ him close enough?

To be fair, it wasn't Loki he was angry with, it was the entire damn universe. But he couldn't very well shout at the universe, could he? With that in mind, Thor was going to give a piece of his mind. "You know what, brother? Maybe if you thought of someone else for one moment….!"

It was at that moment that Erik (who must have left the room at some point during the exchange) led Jane and Darcy into the room. Now, Jane wasn't a particularly intimidating woman in her own right- at least she didn't appear to be. However, if you interfered with something that was precious to her, she could be as terrifying as Frigga in a debate at royal court or Sif in battle. Thor had learned this first hand and as far as Jane was concerned- the one thing more precious to her than her research was being threatened.

Well, she was going to have to fix that.

"Thor, come with me. We're going to talk in my room. No, don't worry about Loki. Darcy is going to talk with him on the front porch and Erik is going to spy on the two of them so he'll let you know if they need any help. Okay? Everyone, move." Jane's tone didn't leave any room for negotiating.

(Scene change: Thor & Jane)

Jane was an independent, intelligent woman. She knew what she wanted and she went for it, and at this exact moment she wanted there to be _something_ in her life that prepared her for dealing with a boyfriend (? Lover? Crush? Male-acquaintance? Future baby-daddy? _Whatever!_) who was emotionally traumatized and capable of single-handedly not only destroying everything in her trailer, but also the trailer itself. Now, that's the sort of thing they should teach in graduate school.

After a few minutes more of trying to think of how to proceed, she finally sat down on the bed besides the Asgardian.

He was crying.

Jane pushed the panic down inside herself and swallowed hard before beginning. "Thor… Listen, this isn't your fault. Loki didn't mean that. He's just angry – he's lashing out."

The Asgardian seemed to be ignoring her.

She grabbed ahold of his hand and gently began drawing circles on his palm. "Thor, when I was younger, I once rescued a snake from some wire netting that had lain on the river bank behind my house. The snake had become tangled and the wires were starting to cut into its skin. So, I_kinda _stole my dad's pocket knife and cut it free. And you know the first thing it did? It bit me and it hurt, but it wasn't either of our faults. Sometimes, when creatures and even humans are caught in a bad situation, they lash out at whoever is closest because they're confused and have been angry for so long without getting to bite anyone. It doesn't mean you've done anything to deserve it."

It was a whisper, but leaning down Jane could make out the words.

"But what if I blame myself?"

(Scene change: Loki & Darcy)

"Listen, I don't know what they hoped to gain from secluding me here with a simpleton such as you, but please don't talk. Your incessant chatter sets my teeth on edge." The dark-haired man commented with a yawn.

"Do you wanna get out of here?" Darcy asked, glancing at the man and nodding towards Erik's car.

Loki considered his options for a moment. He could stay at the trailer (where his idiot brother was hoping for some fond reunion) and obey Thor's latest conquests' wishes or he could leave with the Midgardian simpleton who had given him the ridiculous nickname.

It wasn't a difficult choice.

"Fine. Just please refrain from changing my name. It is Loki or God of Mischief, if you must speak."

Darcy shrugged as she leaned into the front seat. She seemed to be messing with some wires or something. Then leaning back from the car, she feigned nonchalance for a moment before jumping into the front seat and putting the seat belt on. "Move your ass, Kiki! Erik's gonna flip!" she shouted, grinning and bouncing in the seat like an excited puppy or some such creature.

Loki stared at her for a moment in surprise before running towards the passenger side door. Apparently, there was someone else who loved mischief on Midgard.

(Scene change)

Eventually, the two car thieves ended up at a diner. Darcy had spent what felt like an eternity raving about the "burgers" and Loki finally agreed to the destination because it meant he could get out of the car. Closed quarters and that woman did not mix, he decided.

They were sitting at the table and somehow they ended up exchanging prank stories and laughing. A passerby might have thought they were a cute couple out on a date if they hadn't overheard Loki's well-intentioned offer to, "let you live when I start my reign over this puny planet."

"So… Raped, eh? That sucks…." Darcy said out-of-the-blue with what was meant to be an understanding nod

Loki's face reddened with both shame and anger at the ease with which she had broached the subject. "Yes. I suppose 'sucks' could be used to describe being betrayed and thoroughly humiliated for someone's sick amusement" he replied with daggers in his voice.

Darcy nodded. "You know, Kiki. We have these people on Midgard called 'therapists.' Doctors who are trained to talk to people about their problems and help them get over it. I think it might help you."

Loki snorted. "And what makes you think I need help?"

Darcy half-smiled before leaning closer to the green-eyed god sitting across from her. "Loki, you'd be willing to bet you're smarter than me, right?"

Loki rolled his eyes and nodded. "_Of course_," he thought.

"So, I tell you what. If I can think of five good reasons for you to talk to a therapist, you'll do it? Shake on it?" she asked holding out her hand.

Unwilling to admit that a Midgardian woman might be able to outsmart him and unwilling to admit that he might actually benefit from help from a _Midgardian_ physician (really, the idea was laughable), he shook on the deal.

Darcy nodded and held up a hand as she began counting.

"1.) It would get you out of that trailer and away from Thor." (Loki shrugged and nodded . She had a point.)

"2.) It would make your _mother_ happy, Kiki." (Loki rolled his eyes dismissively. Surely, the woman was used to him being a disappointment by now.)

"3.) A therapist could give you ways to cope without ruining your skin." (This comment was followed by a pointed glance at Loki's wrist where the word _slut_ was carved under the t-shirt.)

"4.) You're not yourself. And before you interrupt let me explain! You've been letting Thor take care of you, your lie earlier about why you destroyed the television was laughable, you keep letting me call you Kiki and you're being sassed by a Midgardian student, yet you don't have any plans to destroy me." (Loki had been going to interrupt, but the dark-haired _wench_ had smacked his hand. He shot her a dirty glare.)

"5.) It would drive Thor mad for you to get help from somewhere else when all he wants to do is make everything better for you.

Loki smiled. He figured it out. That woman was good. She was really good. The whole stupid-over excited-puppy routine? It was an act to cover her scheming and manipulation. How else could someone like her manage to play her hand so well in a bet against the God of Mischief?

"You win" he conceded.

Darcy smirked. _Didn't she always?_

_Author's Note: So, I hope everyone is enjoying themselves and that everyone knows that if they have any questions- just message me. Criticism is welcome! Let me know if I've royally butchered something. I don't hold grudges and I'm not scary. Reviews are love! And as a good man once said, "All you need is love! All you need is love! Love is all you need!" Dedicated to my beta – MidnightThoughts._

_(P.S. I haven't fully decided what to do next. If interested, send suggestions or ideas. )_


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Warning: I don't own jack shit. (Seriously, though. I do not own these characters or anything else in this story. ) I would like to repeat that there are trigger warnings for rape, self-injury and attempted suicide. I would also like to mention that there is language, violence and mention of homosexuality. I hope everyone signed up for that ride. :) (Also, I wrote this as a Thor film fanfic and if one considers the Avengers movie, this is AU.)**

"Thor! You're going to wear a path into my carpet if you don't stop- just sit down and watch TV with Erik, there's nothing you can do until he gets back from the appointment," Jane called from the kitchen table which was covered with her notes.

Thor motioned wildly with his arms in frustration, running them through his hair and shaking his hands towards the sky. "I'm tired of waiting! How am I supposed to trust someone I've never even meet to help my brother? I need to know what's going on! Is he even talking to him? Has he gone back into silence? What if he's scared? What if he needs me?" Thor shouted, still pacing a hole into the living room floor.

Jane sighed, really not wanting to answer that. Somehow, everyone except Thor had seemed to notice that although he was the first person who wanted to help Loki, he was the last person from whom his brother would accept assistance.

"Thor, I promise, Dr. Moreno is a good therapist and isn't going to hurt Loki! Now, if you don't want to sit down and watch television, then you can go outside and pace yourself silly in the rain and then you can stay out there until you dry!" She finally threatened.

Thor sat down and turned to Erik with a sigh. "Tell me more about this game with the giant wheel which predicts one fortune."

~~~~(Scene Change)~~~~

It had been Loki's idea for Darcy to drive him to the session with the therapist that Jane knew. Thor had insisted upon accompanying them, but his younger brother had made it clear that would result in him sooner taking down the office than talking about any of his problems. Not wanting to explain why the workplace of the only licensed psychologist in town had been destroyed by a Norse god, Jane had, through a mixture of seduction and trickery, gotten Loki and Darcy into the car and on their way before Thor noticed they were gone.

And that was the reason why Darcy found herself spending a Tuesday afternoon listening to her new iPod and loudly chewing gum in a waiting room and keeping her eyes on the therapist's door, in case of anything suspicious- like godly explosions, sudden raining indoors or whatever else Asgardians did when pissed.

Things seemed to be going well until Loki came storming out of the office, turned and slammed the door in the face of the short Latino man behind him and violently threw a couple of floral chairs over before turning to Darcy, who had jumped out of her seat.

"Shall we go?" he asked flatly.

Darcy was already on her way out the door with her hood pulled over her face as she yelled behind her, "C'mon! Before security gets us!"

Loki rolled his eyes. _Midgardian security would be a pleasant distraction_, he thought, but followed the girl, anyway. Maybe he would be able to intimidate her into not driving back to Jane's tiny place of residence. It was suffocating being so close to Thor all the time.

~~~~(Scene Change)~~~~

Thor was the first to notice the sound of gravel being upturned by wheels in the drive – almost an hour earlier than Darcy was supposed to return his brother. He was outside and motioning for the girl to come over to him before she even had a chance to park the car.

"What happened? What is wrong? Are you alright, my brother?" Thor demanded glancing from the Midgardian to his brother and back.

Loki slammed the car door behind him before rolling his eyes at his brother. "I'm fine, Thor- at least there's nothing that I need from you!"

Darcy crossed her arms and glared at Loki for a moment, "You know, _I'm_ starting to get sick of your attitude and that's saying something. "

Turning to Thor she continued, "Don't feel bad, he hasn't even told me what happened and, so I've been stuck in a car for the world's longest awkward silence."

At that moment, Erik and Jane joined them outside beside the car. Surveying the situation, Jane held Thor's hand and tried not to jump when Thor fairly shouted in her ear. "Something went horribly wrong and my brother is upset and no one knows why and I blame you, Jane of Midgard!"

Jane patted Thor's hand comfortingly before replying in her best boss-lady voice, "Alright, I'll get to the bottom of this."

She sighed, "Loki, there are four people here- pick one and tell them why that therapist isn't going to work for you."

Fixing her with a glare, the dark-haired man replied, "Why in the name of all the powers of Asgard, would I do such a thing?"

Darcy answered before Jane could think of a reply, "Because it would be soooooo much easier than allowing your brother to pester you until you cave."

At this Loki seemed to consider his options for a moment before shrugging and stating matter-of-factly, "I told him that I was raped. He asked if I was homosexual. I took offense to the notion that having been taken advantage of by some….." He paused, searching for a word which fit, "…_beast_ means that I like men. As if no one has ever forced themselves on a heterosexual man…. I resent his implications and his ignorant attitude and I will not return there!"

Thor's face turned red as he released Jane's hand and formed his own into fists which he seemed to search around for a place to smash. "That is ridiculous! My brother is no such thing! How dare he!"

Loki chuckled. "Actually, that is exactly what your brother is, but that is beside the point."

Thor stopped. "Y-you're….." he struggled.

"Why, Thor, is that something else to be ashamed of your brother about? Going to try to fix that, too? Or are you going to continue to play the perfect brother and tell me that you never had a problem with homosexuals? Never told those jokes or made those comments? Always the perfect gentleman? No, I know better so just say you're ashamed of me and I'll more than gladly leave you to your studious little plaything and her friends and you'll never have to see me again," the hate which dripped from Loki's words clouded the air and stunned Thor for a moment.

"Loki! I would never… Brother, I could never be ashamed of you… It is not as if you were one of those weak men who flout their….preference in everyone's face and makes a mockery of our gender…. You are brave and wise and…..The family can adjust to this…. It will be fine…." Thor tried to reassure while staring at the ground, blushing and unable to look his brother in the eyes.

If he had looked up, he would have been burnt by Loki's smile, which was fired by pure anger. "Oh, so it is fine and alright and not a shame, as long as I don't act _that way?_ As long as no one could guess at first glance, then it is not a shame? As long as it remains hidden, then it is not a problem? What happens if I find a lover? If I take a mate? _Then_ will it be a shame to the House of Odin? Or shall I be alone forever for the sake of your sense of modesty?" Loki shook his head and finished with a hiss, "Just say it, brother. You _are_ ashamed of me."

Thor looked up and directly into his brother's eyes, "Brother, it would take more than a preference for men to make me ashamed of you. Now, I tire of this conversation." With that, Thor turned and made his way back into the trailer.

~~~~(Scene Change)~~~~

The argument had started out of nowhere, if he recalled correctly. He had walked inside to find Loki hunched over the kitchen sink with the water running.

Thor hadn't been able to quite make out what his brother's hands were doing. He had both arms in the sink, with one over the other and something in his hand.

A knife. He had a knife.

Thor tore through the small trailer in an instant until he was grabbing Loki away from the sink and reaching for the blade without thinking.

That was when the younger man spun around, turning the blade on Thor.

"Loki, my brother! What are you doing to yourself? You are injured! Just hand me the blade and I will help you." Thor pleaded desperately.

"My brother – the simpleton. Always stating the obvious. Yes, I'm _injured_. That was kind of the point of that little activity or are you honestly too thick to have figured that out?"

Thor opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted.

"Now, now. I'm not interested in any of your petty ramblings right now. I was _enjoying_ myself- letting off some steam before you interrupted and upset me. I'm not interested in your misguided attempts at helping right now. I wish to be left alone and you are going to grant me that request or so help me, Thor, this blade will wind up in your calf." Loki replied before attempting to shove past the blonde man.

Thor wasn't about to let his baby brother go anywhere, especially with that knife still in his hand.

So, he grabbed him by the shoulders and spun him so that they were face to face.

This in hindsight might have seemed like a poorly thought out idea, if Thor was a man given to retrospection.

Instead he was distracted by the sudden pain in his leg where Loki had lodged the knife which had been in his hands.

As Thor attempted to place his brother in a hold, Loki brought his foot down onto the other man's and threw his head back into his face with such force that he thought he heard the crunch of a nose breaking.

Still, Thor would not release him and the fight led the brothers' around the small trailer until they finally struggled through the front door and ended with Loki in a choke hold in the dirt.

He didn't know how long he had been speaking, muttering, repeating, chanting even, with the words spilling over his lips instinctively.

"Loki…let me help you…let me help you….let me help you…..let me help you….please…please….just let me help you…."

And that's when he let his guard down and when the god struck back.

_Author's Note: Hello. I am sorry this took so long. Real life has been hectic, but its summer now (finally) and the next chapter can be expected up a lot sooner and will be longer than this. (Promise.) I would like to address a couple of things real quick, someone in the reviews asked if this was a comedy or a serious story due to some humor in the last chapter. It is meant to be as true to the reality of dealing with the aftermath of rape and how it affects the primary and secondary victims. In reality, life does not become entirely angst and hurt/comfort which are the genres this story is under. I apologize if that somehow seems misleading, but those are still the primary themes. Also, someone asked how a t-shirt would have covered the scars on Loki's wrist. Where I'm from people (incorrectly) call all casual shirts t-shirts and that mistake slipped in – Loki was in a long-sleeved casual shirt in that scene. Lastly, people have inquired about Loki's rapist and the punishment of him/her- don't worry, that'll definitely be addressed._


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